Not all praise is created equal
I’ve been thinking a lot lately about the power of praise. I recently read Nuture Shock, and as Po Bronson and Ashley Merryman suggest, all praise is not created equal. They call this the inverse power of praise. It works like this. Praise the child; he doesn’t work as hard the next time. Praise the action; she learns it’s about how hard she works.
To fully understand the subtleties of how undirected praise can backfire, I strongly recommend you read the chapter instead. (Heck, read the whole book. I’ll lend it to you.) In the meantime, here are two other things to think about to determine the value of a compliment:
Consider the source. My daughter says my new shirt makes me look like a grandma. My husband says it makes me look sexy. Who should I believe? It is important to know which of your sources in business to turn to for advice and when. Decide (in advance) what value you place in their opinions. For instance, it’s great when your mom or neighbor thinks you have a great business idea but it’s more valuable to hear that praise from a would-be investor. For big ideas, get more than a second opinion.
Consider the motives. I have a mentor who put it this way, “The higher you climb the tree, the easier it is for people to see your ass.” Why do leaders and celebrities seem to get in so much trouble? Could it be because they hear nothing but praise 24/7? When all you surround yourself with are people who only offer you praise and kudos, you run the risk of believing your own hype.
Don’t get me wrong. Positive reinforcement can be a good thing. But too much of it and we start to think we deserve praise just for trying. My former boss, Bruce Hetrick, has a great blog post on how the “everyone gets a trophy” mentality actually does little to prepare our kids from the real world.
Even in the grown-up world, we all are addicted to praise. We often weed out those people who don’t reinforce us. We stick with things we are good at instead of trying to grow businesses, explore new paths and take risks.
Instead of just listening to the “yes men” in your life, what if you surround yourself with people empowered to give you constructive advice and even (gasp) criticism? You might end up with a better idea or product. And then you can be proud of yourself.
